Last One

So this is my last blog entry. I'm home - flew in to Logan around 8:30 Friday night - and Mom, Sarah, and Harrison were there to greet me. It took forever to get our bags from baggage claim, and as we were waiting, my friend Jon looked at me and said, "Can you believe just this morning we were drinking coffee at Cafe Demel in Vienna?" And now we were in Boston. I still can't wrap my mind around that, that life is continuing in Salzburg, in Vienna, at the same time that I am living life here. I know it comes from being young and a little naive, but part of me hopes that doesn't change. I'd like to think that I'll be in awe of life for a while.

What's next, then? I'm asking myself the same question. My voice teacher in Salzburg said she has a few names of good teachers in the Boston area, so that's my next step. We just moved Rusty and Sarah into school, and that was probably the weirdest thing I've done in a while. For the first time I realized I am never going back to college, and I don't know how I feel about that yet. I know it'll be okay, it's just a matter of adjusting. But I do know that this trip has shown me that I know even less than I thought I did, and that is definitely okay with me. I never want to be bored.

At the Schloss.

Along the river in Salzburg.

Vienna!

After four weeks in Salzburg, after finally feeling comfortable to walk around the city and not get entirely lost, after falling in love with Mozart Kugels and the view of the Fortress out our window, we have left Salzburg and landed in Vienna. When I arrived in Salzburg, I remember thinking, what's all this talk about culture shock? Yeah, they stare a lot and ring their silly bike bells at us, but otherwise it seems like home. (Oh, minus the part where you pay to use the public restrooms...). But when I got to Vienna, culture shock became much more obvious. This place is huge. There are people everywhere all the time, of all different ethnicities. We are staying in the 10th district, and the streets are lined with neon lights. It's nice, but it's very different from Salzburg and from home.

Did I mention I had my last voice lesson already? It's over. I'm coming home soon, and I still feel like I have so much to cram in! Everyone here is studying for their finals, so I guess I'm gonna head to a pub and write away my evening.

Climbing Untersberg

At the beginning of the hike. Jon snagged a nice shot of my sweaty face.

Susie enjoying a cup of coffee at the lodge

The lodge where we chilled for a few hours before heading back down.

Physical and Mental

I am often overwhelmed, whether it be by ideas, responsibilities, relational things. There are times when I need to take a step back and just look at what's going on around me, to remind myself that I am not in control. That's probably the most liberating thought I've had on this trip. Being in a small hostel with sixteen other college students, professors, visiting scholars, the atmosphere here is one of conversation, challenge, and grappling with issues. Usually, I eat it up. Usually, I feel myself get more animated when someone mentions the use of the arts to further the Kingdom of God. But sometimes, I feel so heavy with these thoughts, that I'm unable to even ask questions.

This afternoon, we had a guest-lecturer. His name is Dr. Andrzej Turkanik, and he is originally from Poland. He studied music, but has a PhD. in Old Testament studies, and he is now a director of the Quo Vadis Institute, a think-tank about two-hours outside of Salzburg. The point of the institute is to bring together experts of all discplines to discuss "where are we going?", as the name of the institute suggests. The background of these conversations is a Christian worldview, but it is in the background, not the foreground. When he started talking, I was immediately drawn in. Here was a man who was real. There was no sugar-coating. He did not pretend to have everything figured out; he told us about times in his life when he had doubted, and that he came to the realization that he does not have to have everything figure out. That the universe does not ride on his understanding of it. And as he talked about the various crises in Europe, especially, I felt my body sink down in my chair. Everything he was saying was real and all around me, and suddenly I realized that I'm not a child. That perhaps - maybe a small perhaps - I have a job to do in this world. Dr. Turkanik talked about using the arts and education to change the views Europeans have of evangelicals. He said that far too often, when someone finds out he is an evangelical Christian, they do not believe him: "But you can think!" they say to him. The reality of our reputation creates a barrier that seems far too large to overcome.

After the lecture there was a question and answer time, but my thoughts were incoherent. I couldn't form complete sentences. There was so much I wanted to know, so many ideas and questions, but not one part of me could ask them. In the end, I let others talk, and I'm hoping that later tonight we can all sit down and debrief. We haven't had a lecture that fired us up as much as this.

And along with this intense mental energy that is demanded of us every day, on Sunday we climbed Mount Untersberg. It is right over the boarder into Germany and is a little over 6000 ft . (I think that's above sea level, not from the ground...). I was a little nervous because I haven't hiked much and I get tired. The climb was about three hours - we stopped a few times for water and food, and to enjoy the mini-waterfalls that we found as we went. There were times when I thought, "Why the heck do people do this? Is this fun for them?" but there were other times when I couldn't believe what I was seeing. There were actual rams running up and down the mountain. And when we got to the end, there was a log cabin with hot soup, coffee, tea, and a cozy place to sit and rest. We were all exhausted, mostly just sitting around the table, trying to talk but feeling out of it. The locals around us ordered beer after beer, and I imagined myself trying to climb down the steep trail with a beer in me. I was gonna have a hard enough time as it was. Did I mention we'd picked up an Austrian guy on our way? Almost every night we get dinner at the gas station down the street, and Sasha, the Austrian gas station clerk, invited himself on our hike. He was not impressed with the number of times we stopped for breaks...or with our political system...or with our inability to speak any language other than English...

These past few weeks have been a challenge. I am stretching my mind and coming to grips with the fact (again) that I do not understand much. But also, I am being challenged by the beauty around me. We are such a balance of mental and physical energy, and the interplay of those here has been amazing. That hike was wicked exhausting, but I am so glad to say I did it.

(pictures to come later...)

Some Photos

On top of the fortress. Susie's a little confused - she thinks the Archbishop still lives here.

Oh, wait. I guess we're all a little confused. Andrew most of all. But nothing beats a little "Sound of Music" cut-out.

Can you say "best bread ever"? We can. Oldest bakery in Salzburg and we patronized it. Yum.

At the fortress after our tour.

And a dream house. Fairy tales are true.

Andrew working hard, but look, there's some Stiegl within arms' reach.

It's Real?

Sometimes I have wondered why I work so much doing something that doesn't always come easily to me. Singing is fun...sometimes. Other times it's exhausting and every time I have to relearn something because it's gotten out of place, I wonder what I'm doing. Being in Salzburg, taking lessons twice a week, I can already see that I've learned a lot. As all of my voice instructors would tell you, I have a bit of a mental problem; my mind gets in the way of my voice. I've been standing on one leg while I sing this past week, and I wish it were appropriate to perform that way - it adds strength to my voice by engaging muscles in my abdomen. I've been bouncing on my toes and inhaling deep breaths upside down before singing. Crazy stuff.

But after every lesson I feel invigorated, not down. I know I have a lot to work on. It's not the work that scares me, it's the fear that, despite all that work, it will not be enough. I don't mind working, it's just failing that's difficult.

The other night we took a tour of the Fortress and wandered around the city. We were going to grab some dinner, but I heard loud, dramatic voices drifting through the air. There is a huge projector set up for the festival, and every day they broadcast performances that are going on indoors for free. On the screen I saw Diana Damrau dressed in a huge green outfit, and I knew she was Queen of the Night, the evil queen in Mozart's "Magic Flute." I couldn't believe it was her, that she was here in Salzburg performing as I stood outside and watched. And I knew it was coming - the famous Queen of the Night aria in the second act. We stood and waited, some of us knowing what was coming and others wondering why we were taking the time to listen. And then she opened her mouth and the words flew out. I've listened to this song a hundred times, whether on youtube with friends, on a cd, or in class. And even though it was on a screen, I knew Diana was in there, singing right then, and I remembered why I do this. Sometimes at school I have felt there's no point to this. No one actually performs these operas. No one goes to them. It's like a fairy world that we study because it happened once, but it has no relevance today. Yet here in front of me was someone who had studied for years and years, who had been given a gift, and who now was performing in front of a packed house. So it's real. There is something so powerful about the voice; all of that sound was coming OUT OF HER BODY. It was all her. And it was theatrical and strong, and as I watched I felt overwhelmed by her artistry and by the beauty of music. I felt it in my body, and, not too surprisingly, I started crying. I couldn't help it. I will never be Queen of the Night, but that doesn't mean I can't have a part in the history of music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvuKxL4LOqc

Take a listen - even the lines are amazing.

Big Bugs

One of the most interesting parts of this cross-cultural experience has been the realization that, while things are very different, they are also very much the same. People are people. Deep. But seriously, there are families here who live like we do at home. There are young adults who are full of life and excited about the future. There are lonely old men who sit at Cafe Tomaselli and drink coffee, watching the young people who are full of life. Things are are a lot like they are at home. Including the fact that huge hornets fly into bedrooms and scare silly girls into screaming.

Last night, Susanna and I stayed up late talking and laughing. It was after midnight, and there's such a thing as "quiet hours" in Salzburg (that's right, Gordon students, they exist in the real world apart from finals time...), so we closed all our doors, but forgot to close the windows. We were talking about girly things and making each other giggle, when suddenly the largest bug I've ever seen buzzed into our room, hitting the ceiling and making Susie jump down from the bunk bed and huddle next to me on the floor. I try not to swear, but I'm telling you, this thing could sting the life right out of me, and we both couldn't contain ourselves. I'm not even scared of bugs, usually, but what can you do? Austrian bugs are flippin huge.

So I climbed up on to the top bunk and tried to swat it with one of our towels. I hit it, but what's a swat to a mutant stinging insect? It buzzed right at my face, and I screamed. I was pretty embarrassed that a bug made me scream, but Susie said with determination: "Alright, it's time to wake the boys." Now I am not one for running to a male in a time like this - what can a boy do that I can't? If it's gonna sting me, it's gonna sting him - but I didn't know what else to do. We weighed our options: Tom wouldn't wake up, he's like a log. Jon would wake up, but probably be pretty angry at us and never let us forget it. We decided on Andrew, the outdoorsman, the boy who likes to save people.

Susie knocked on his door, but he wasn't in there (his roommate replied, "Andrew's not in here. Don't come in."). I went back to our room while Susanna went to find Andrew, and I'd had enough. Dorien, our friend from the Netherlands, said, "No one has ever seen a bug that big! I want to make a picture!" And instead of helping me, proceeded to take pictures of the huge deadly bug.

I grabbed the towel again and stealthily tested the hornet's reaction to my approach. It was preoccupied with preening, so I set in, a fast and furious attack with the towel. I pounded the towel against the wall, trying to squeeze the life out of it, but when I checked the clump, I saw it still moving! So I smooshed the towel into a ball and punched and punched it. By this time, Susie was back with Andrew, David, and Dorien, and I looked like a fool punching a towel. I opened it again and IT STILL WASN'T DEAD. This thing was resilient. Andrew took the towel and threw the hornet outside, where it lives on to attack us in our sleep.

So somethings are the same, and somethings are different. Bugs fly inside and scare girls, but they are a heck of a lot bigger.