I am often overwhelmed, whether it be by ideas, responsibilities, relational things. There are times when I need to take a step back and just look at what's going on around me, to remind myself that I am not in control. That's probably the most liberating thought I've had on this trip. Being in a small hostel with sixteen other college students, professors, visiting scholars, the atmosphere here is one of conversation, challenge, and grappling with issues. Usually, I eat it up. Usually, I feel myself get more animated when someone mentions the use of the arts to further the Kingdom of God. But sometimes, I feel so heavy with these thoughts, that I'm unable to even ask questions.
This afternoon, we had a guest-lecturer. His name is Dr. Andrzej Turkanik, and he is originally from Poland. He studied music, but has a PhD. in Old Testament studies, and he is now a director of the Quo Vadis Institute, a think-tank about two-hours outside of Salzburg. The point of the institute is to bring together experts of all discplines to discuss "where are we going?", as the name of the institute suggests. The background of these conversations is a Christian worldview, but it is in the background, not the foreground. When he started talking, I was immediately drawn in. Here was a man who was real. There was no sugar-coating. He did not pretend to have everything figured out; he told us about times in his life when he had doubted, and that he came to the realization that he does not have to have everything figure out. That the universe does not ride on his understanding of it. And as he talked about the various crises in Europe, especially, I felt my body sink down in my chair. Everything he was saying was real and all around me, and suddenly I realized that I'm not a child. That perhaps - maybe a small perhaps - I have a job to do in this world. Dr. Turkanik talked about using the arts and education to change the views Europeans have of evangelicals. He said that far too often, when someone finds out he is an evangelical Christian, they do not believe him: "But you can think!" they say to him. The reality of our reputation creates a barrier that seems far too large to overcome.
After the lecture there was a question and answer time, but my thoughts were incoherent. I couldn't form complete sentences. There was so much I wanted to know, so many ideas and questions, but not one part of me could ask them. In the end, I let others talk, and I'm hoping that later tonight we can all sit down and debrief. We haven't had a lecture that fired us up as much as this.
And along with this intense mental energy that is demanded of us every day, on Sunday we climbed Mount Untersberg. It is right over the boarder into Germany and is a little over 6000 ft . (I think that's above sea level, not from the ground...). I was a little nervous because I haven't hiked much and I get tired. The climb was about three hours - we stopped a few times for water and food, and to enjoy the mini-waterfalls that we found as we went. There were times when I thought, "Why the heck do people do this? Is this fun for them?" but there were other times when I couldn't believe what I was seeing. There were actual rams running up and down the mountain. And when we got to the end, there was a log cabin with hot soup, coffee, tea, and a cozy place to sit and rest. We were all exhausted, mostly just sitting around the table, trying to talk but feeling out of it. The locals around us ordered beer after beer, and I imagined myself trying to climb down the steep trail with a beer in me. I was gonna have a hard enough time as it was. Did I mention we'd picked up an Austrian guy on our way? Almost every night we get dinner at the gas station down the street, and Sasha, the Austrian gas station clerk, invited himself on our hike. He was not impressed with the number of times we stopped for breaks...or with our political system...or with our inability to speak any language other than English...
These past few weeks have been a challenge. I am stretching my mind and coming to grips with the fact (again) that I do not understand much. But also, I am being challenged by the beauty around me. We are such a balance of mental and physical energy, and the interplay of those here has been amazing. That hike was wicked exhausting, but I am so glad to say I did it.
(pictures to come later...)
